Thursday, June 26, 2008

Monster-Size Skeletons

The Skeletal Spotlight shines this time on:
"Real" Monster-Size Skeletons

"Dream on, my small sucker friend! I'm just the first of life's many educational disappointments."

Of course we all remember the above ad for the "monster size skeleton" in our comic books and magazines. The copy for it was sneakily deceptive from the start: 5 feet tall is not "monster-sized," unless you consider your grandmother to be a monster. Most recall the ubiquitous ad with a sense of unfulfilled longing; but for those that sent off for it, aching disillusionment. Like many things we desire in this life, Mr. Bones was best left to the imagination and wishful thinking. But just because this monster-sized skeleton was a ripoff, doesn't mean that they don't exist. Yes, Virginia, there is a giant skeleton... several, in fact; for below we have photographic proof. And we all know that can't be faked!

A vitim of hit-and-run, the poor pedestrian expired waiting for the ambulance. The rubber-necking passersby just gawked, snickering at his obvious boner.

True to the old adage, he fell hard. Left where he died, the city was simply built around the ancient giant.

About the skeleton:

Created by the late Gino De Dominicis (who died at the young age of 51 in 1998)some of the photos here were taken when it was being displayed in the Pallazo Reale in Milan in 2007.

The only thing that gives this skeleton away as being
a fake is the long nose bone. What was up with that?

"Do you see anything on the bottom of my foot? Cause it feels like I have a bunion."

It is speculated that the giant was killed when he stabbed
himself in the chest during a particularly savage sneeze.

As the crowd began to gather, an onlooker sadly
declared "T'was Beauty what killed the Beast."

It's a lesser-known bit of history that the village folk all ate for a month on the leftovers.

Unfortunately for Gulliver, the Lilliputions took no chances.

Lest you think our beaked friend is unique to the world, there exists a giant skeleton making the rounds that is considerably more active.

"Iiiiiiiii'm a gonna gitcha! Iiiiiiii'm a gonna gitcha! Gitcha-gitcha-gitcha-gitcha!"

"Bite me, Big Bird boy! I don't have a beak bone... and I actually can fly!"

About the skeleton:
Visitors study 'Habibi,' a giant, polystyrene and resin human skeleton creation by Algerian-born French artist Adel Abdessemed, at the Regional Contemporary Art Collection in Reims, February 24, 2004. 'Habibi,' translating as 'Darling,' 'Dear' or 'Beloved,' measures 17 meters long, is presented like a giant dinosaur fossil, floating outstretched above the floor.

"Don't make a sound, children... if we don't move it can't see us."

His one dream was to be in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, but he
just couldn't seem to get the bouyancy and height he needed to join the other balloons.

Although confined to captivity, he lived for the times
when he scared the pants off the new night watchmen.

Eating candy skulls; spending the night in the cemetery with candles and food; giant skeletons at the fairs; yes, Mexico knows how to celebrate the Day of the Dead!

Somehow the pink seems to take a little of the edge off the spookiness.


"Just gimme a minute, gotta rest my bones."


Karswell said...

When the hell is America gonna get on the giant skeleton kick? We need more giant skeletons people! America is giant skeletonless!!!

Fred said...

So right, Karswell. America leads is so many things, but in the all-important giant skeleton arena, we are sadly lacking.

You'd think that Texas would step up and meet the challenge. There are a lot of big-boned people there.

Karswell said...

>Texas There are a lot of big-boned people there.

In Los Angeles too, only just the skulls are HUGE... you know...

Coolnesski said...